Sunday, July 17, 2011

Lead Kindly Light

Lead lindly light, amid th'encircling gloom
Lead thou me on.
The night is dark, and I am far from home
Lead thou me on.
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant shore--one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, not pray'd that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path, but now
Lead thou me on.
I loved the garish day and spite of fears,
Pride ruled my heart, remember not past years.

So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on.
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn, those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since and lost awhile.

A couple of years ago, I took a step into the unknown. I left a secure job when I was offered one that was much closer to home. I felt sure it was the right thing to do, and still feel that way even though the new job ended after one year. When I found out I was being laid off, a sense of calm and peace assured me that things would turn out fine and that my Heavenly Father was aware of my needs. Of course, impatient person that I am, I thought that meant things would turn out fine quickly. To cure this impatience, I have been given a plethora (that's right--I'm going to use this word in every blog I post) of learning experiences where I want answers to my prayers in a nano-second as opposed to 'due time,' the time frame Heaven seems to operate under.

Sometimes I feel like I am walking in the dark. I get discouraged and wonder, like Tevye, if it would spoil some vast eternal plan if I were wealthy. Heck, I don't even need to be wealthy. If I could pay all my bills and afford gas to Utah a couple of times a year, I would be satisfied. Well, maybe every July in Scotland, too. And it would be nice to buy things at garage sales without feeling guilty.

It's not really the money though. It's the self-doubt. Am I doing all that I should? Am I still too proud? I hate accepting help from others, let alone asking for it. Is this a fore-ordained test of some kind or a natural consequence of the economy? Most of all, am I learning what I need to learn or will I need a hundred more opportunities just like this one?

Here is what I have learned: If I trust in the Lord with all my heart and I don't try to understand things in an earthly way, if I remember that He is over all things and allow Him to direct my paths, I will be okay. And if I remember and rehearse in my mind the words to my favorite hymn, I will continue to feel peace in this uncertain chapter of my wonderful life.

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